Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
