Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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