does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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