Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
