they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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