1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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