I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
