Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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