He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
