If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
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