I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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