I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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