Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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