You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
