I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
