Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
