I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
