you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
