? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
