she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
