I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
