He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Randomize
