So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
