TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
