Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
