even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
