My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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