Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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