Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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