I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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