ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
