I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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