Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
