Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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