I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
