So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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