before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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