Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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