so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
