She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
