he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
