I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
