Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
