shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
