I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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