My balls are so social today.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
