there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
