what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
