Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
