You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
